So, at 8.30 this morning, I managed to get out for a 5 bonus point run (according to Sassy the sensible sports watch and heart rate monitor). 45 minutes in the pre-heat, where the shade is ok, but the sun is HOT.This is what I wear. Does that make me a wanker? I am very interested to know.
The source of my curiosity lies in why people look when someone is having a little jog. Apart from obviously needing to look at you in order to steer clear, is it because they're thinking 'if I didn't have to go to work, I'd get fit too'? Or is it more along the lines of 'that girl is struggling, I'm glad I'm not exercising in public!' or, to be completely crass, is it because my tits bounce when I run? Is it Adorno's Shaudenfraude, the 'largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate'?
I feel this is why when people lose weight, they begin to feel justified in their new-found confidence, mistaking attention from others as enmity and jealousy. It's a very strange phenomenon. I know -rationally- that now I look 'normal', or just as thin/fat as most other people, being a 10-12. But the little voice in my head, which has gotten louder since I've lost weight, is telling me that other people are jealous of my achievement. The irrational aspect ot that is that people in the street don't know what I used to look like, so to them it's 'what achievement?'!
Another person I know, who has lost a very impressive 40kg, has also grown a little attitude to go along with it. His new outlook on life is 'I'm totally awesome, better than you, you and you, don't even talk to me, I'm so cool.' Well, that's on the outside anyway. Inside, I'm sure its more like 'they think I'm fat, and maybe I am?! I'll act like I don't care, and everything will be fine. But I do look good, so whatever. That's why they're looking at me. Is it? I'm such a fraud!'
How do you achieve balance after you've lost weight? Self-confidence is necessary, but how to stop before it's conceit? And I'm still interested to know: why do people look when you run?
3 comments:
Well, I'd be looking at you because you look smokin' hot! :P
Ha ha, thanks Chantelle!
So, that's 1 point for the 'self-confidence' team, 0 points for the 'self-doubt' team.
I like where this is going ;)
I agree with Chantelle, you do look hot! About the running thing, well I must admit I always do it when driving past someone running or even walking for that matter. Mostly I think jeez I should be doing that! Or occasionaly it can be something along the lines of God check that chick out she is hot as! If that's what running does to you sign me up! (only to be forgotten as soon as I get my lazy ass home and see the fridge) But I must say that I have noticed this as well and always wonder what people are thinking. I guess we will never find out!
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