Studytown = Stresstown

Right, so quick update on weight, I'm currently around 65.8 after brekky, which is good if you ask me! Day two of Fast Start, and already I'm noticing a difference. I think because I wouldn't normally spend 7 points on dinner, I'd eat a 4-5 point dinner then hoard the rest for... oh... as many WW ice-creams I could stuff in my gob. Fast Start really does help with one's bad habits that have concreted over the last 9 months.

Back to the point: I may have previously mentioned this, but I'm STUDYING. I have been studying since I left high school, and that was a fair while back. In fact, I've been studying so long I've forgotten what it was like not to have a constant and pervading feeling guilt whenever I relax (because if I'm relaxing, I'm NOT studying and thus not getting any closer to being able to finish study).

Anyway, I always had a problem when it came to balancing stress and motivation. Often, I would procrastinate until the very last minute, then be propelled by guilt and the fear of failure towards a heroic effort (ie. 4 all-nighters in a row to write an essay/chapter). To fuel these all nighters, I would inevitably reach for blocks of chocolate, pots of coffee and generally shitty comfort food. This would ensure I had the motivation to power through it, as well as the sugar and caffeine highs.

HOWEVER, since I started WW 9 months ago, I wasn't able to continue doing this, and expect to lose weight. So, initially, I modified it. I would still react to stress with unsustainable behaviour, but my sugar and caffeine highs were replaced with diet soft drinks and a few points-budgeted snacks. I managed to struggle through.

But in the last few months, I've been cultivating much better behaviour, generally. Not pulling all nighters, but doing work before the last minute. Working consistently, one might call it. But now I'm encountering a new problem... wanting to do better! At the moment I can't bust through a particularly difficult part of my work, and I'm finding myself reaching for comfort foods to stimulate my brain. That old link between eating chocolate and achieving the impossible (a whole chapter in 4 nights) seems to be resurfacing. It's as thought chocolate actually silences the part of my brain that talks smack while I'm trying to think (ie. The voice that says 'You can't do this! It's too hard! Your'e too dumb! Idiot! Aaaahh ha ha ha! I'm destroying you! You'll never escape me!')

So, the battle between good and evil is on, again.