Frenemies.

Right, so I toyed with whether or not to blog about this, but I've decided to go ahead with it. I'm starting to receive some mildly disturbing comments on my weight loss!

A friend who I see around every 6 months (she lives overseas) recently stated: 'You really are very thin, now.' Rather than immediately over-analysing this statement, I practiced my newly-installed technique of accepting complements (and accepting double-edged complements and deconstructing them later), with a 'Thanks! I've got a little bit more to go, but I'm feeling pretty good about myself these days.' It was after I reeled off my standard answer that I noticed the stern, slightly disapproving look on her face. She then launched into a dissertation-defense like diatribe about how she needed to get back to the gym, but she couldn't because it's too cold where she lives, about how she's put on weight over Christmas, etc etc. I listened, slightly astonished at the intensity with which she was delivering this information. I made some placating comments along the lines of: 'It's Christmas! Everyone eats and enjoys themselves, it all comes out in the wash...' but she was having none of it. It was clear that my weight loss success was, by extension, making her miserable and self-conscious (BTW, she is a size 10 who had previously lost a lot of weight, but has maintained her svelte figure for over two years now).

While I was able to put this comment down to standard, post-Christmas trauma, I received another one just last night. Another good size 10 friend (though closer to a 9 than an 11) commented yesterday: 'You're leaving me behind, whittling yourself down like that...' I must have had a puzzled look on my face, because she clarified with: 'Stop losing weight! You're leaving me behind in the 10s, heading the same way as these two [gesturing to our mutual sizes 6-8 friends]. I need you as a buffer!' (At least, I think that's what she said, I was utterly shocked by this point.)

While the full extent of this hasn't actually sunk in yet, I am trying to take these comments with good-natured openness. Yet the angry creature inside me wants to snap: 'So, you need me to be the fat girl so you can be slimmer than someone?' And at the same time, I'm shocked/thrilled that she considers me to be on the verge of being slimmer than her...?! I recall a time when I was envious of her - quite amazing - physique, and frankly, I'm still very envious! She has an amazing body. And, last night, it seems that she revealed she thinks of herself as quite a bit larger than she actually is, and that my change is making her feel uncomfortable about her size.

Now, the point of these two stories is that my primary aim in losing weight was to look and feel better about myself. The secondary aim was - perhaps - to inspire others, rather than make them feel uncomfortable, or defensive! At this point I'm feeling like change (for the positive) should just be celebrated, but it seems it only gets celebrated when it doesn't cut someone else's grass. I guess I'm pushing a lot of people's buttons, firstly by changing myself, and in turn by changing their perception of me. This process has definitely culled a lot of phony frenemies from the pack, who were my friends only when they could feel 'better' than me...